10 Things No Parenting Book Can Prepare You For

Parenting Moments

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I couldn’t help myself with this one. This post is a little different than most, I want to mix things up a bit. Do you remember what you were thinking before you became a parent? How about when you became a new parent?You are either going through it now… or you remember! Know that you’re not alone in living through these parenting moments.

So… Write them down now so when your teenager brings home their first boyfriend or girlfriend, you can bust out all your funny parenting stories.

  1. When you wake up in the middle of the night to the dulcet tones of someone retching next to your bed, and you sit bolt upright – but you didn’t move fast enough.
  2. The afternoon when you end up frantically teaching your toddler what yoga is because she woke up earlier than expected from her nap and caught you and Mommy doing “yoga.”
  3. When the baby wakes up screaming at 2:00 am, but you can’t even muster up the energy to roll over and ask your partner to get the baby this time, so instead you just pretend to be asleep until she gets the point. In fact, you pretend so well you’re convinced you deserve an Oscar, so the next morning you start bragging about it to your wife before you realize what you’re saying and shut your mouth.
  4. That for the rest of your life when you catch a whiff of cottage cheese, you will be uncomfortably reminded of the distinctive smell of a breastfed newborn baby’s poo. Tangy? Sour? Sweet? All three maybe.
  5. When you’re midway through a presentation at work before you realize you’ve been referring to yourself in the third person.
  6. Discovering that your wife’s hardback copy of Anne of Green Gables that she lovingly, carefully moved from her childhoods home to her college dorm to your first apartment to your first home without picking up so much as a nick or a scrape has been cannibalized by a pair of safety scissors and double-sided tape to make your wife a Mother’s Day card. And she’s supposed to smile…
  7. Finding at least three new bruises on your body every day, and you have no idea how you got them.
  8. When you have to sift through the contents of your toddler’s diaper to find the dime she swallowed (I have two girls).
  9. Adding separate line items to your household budget for diapers, stain remover, and those squeezey pouch things because they’re just so darn convenient.
  10. Actually truly wanting to go to bed at 7:30 pm every night and feeling exactly zero shame about it.

Your Turn!

What funny parenting stories would you add to the list? Share in a comment below! Go ahead, don’t be afraid!

Author: Dear Daddy

Dear Daddy is a writer and publisher for Daddy Blog: Parenting Tips For Fathers. I'm a father of two girls and Educator for 20+ years. I love being a father, although it does have it's challenges. Let's help each other out!

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